1. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

2. Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

5. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of   David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

8. Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

9. Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club.   All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

11. The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water." One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.

12. Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new

carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

16. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

17. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

18. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

19. 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

20. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

21. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

22. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

22. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

23. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

24. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150%, dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

2. In the memo field of all of your checks, write "for sensual massage".

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".

5. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".

6. Practice making fax and modem noises.

7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

8. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy".

9. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

10. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others that you "like it that way".

11. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

12. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Ask people what gender they are.

14. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

15. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

16. Sing along at the opera.

17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

18. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

19. Send this list to everyone in your e-mail address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.